The Fourth of July and New Year’s Eve are two days of the year during which many neighborhoods in the United States sound like war zones. This is because many people celebrate these holidays by shooting guns into the air and setting off fireworks both legal and illegal. Bang, sizzle, swish, pop, and kaboom are common elements of the onomatopoeic vocabulary for these explosive occasions. In some communities on these special days, residents worry that falling bullets might crash through their roofs and injure them.
In an episode of the animated television show The Simpsons (season 4, episode 25), while selling fireworks for the Fourth of July, the convenience store owner said, “Celebrate the independence of your nation by blowing up a small part of it.” Based on what happened this year, a few citizens seemed determined to burn down a part of the country rather than blow up anything.
Some people buy fountain types of fireworks. Fireworks like these are placed on the street and lit with a match. After ignition, a colorful spray of sparks shoots up into the air, often accompanied by a loud whistle. The display usually lasts no more than a minute.
In the state of California only fireworks ironically labeled “safe and sane” are legal for individuals to purchase. This means the office of the State Fire Marshall approved them.
Fireworks that explode or fly up into the sky are illegal in California. These include bottle rockets, firecrackers, and Roman candles. Many “safe and sane” fireworks are sold at temporary buildings in supermarket parking lots. On the other hand, many Californians acquire illegal fireworks from other states where fireworks such as firecrackers and bottle rockets are permitted.
On my street this year there were two odd and stupid incidents related to fireworks.
In the middle of the street at the other end of our block a woman dressed only in a bikini attached a fireworks fountain to a broomstick. While it sprayed its colorful sparks, she spun around and around while the sparks flew out horizontally. I could hear her somewhat hysterical laughter as she spun around and around. I thought she was a drunken idiot. I was thankful that her irresponsible antics didn’t cause a fire. However, this was only the first act of the show. The second act got started when her bikini caught fire and she stood screaming at the top of her lungs while her friends doused her with water before rushing to cover her with a blanket. This all proved to be quite the spectacle for everyone present. Doctors treated her for first-degree burns at a local hospital and last I heard, she completely recovered from her injuries.
As for the flammable bikini, this incident was one of several similar ones that occurred in several cities and towns in the United States and Canada. In Malaysia where the bikinis were manufactured, the man who operated the machine that applied chemical agents to textiles and made them flame-resistant had a stroke. Consequently, a few yards of fabric did not get treated, but were later cut and made into bikinis. After several weeks, the Department of Commerce investigation determined that approximately 25 of these flammable bikinis were made. In addition to the few that caught fire, all the others were accounted for.
The other odd and stupid incident concerned the improper disposal of fireworks. Many people have a bucket of water nearby when they use fireworks. The “safe and sane” fireworks instructions specifically say, “Do not put fireworks into the garbage can before drenching them with water.” This is because they are still hot enough to ignite a piece of paper.
Without soaking them in water the people a few houses down the street from us threw their used fireworks into their garbage can. The stuff in the garbage can caught fire, burned down part of their fence, and melted the garbage can. The family had to be evacuated from their home and the fire department had to remove several tiles from their roof. By the next day, a huge scorch mark could be seen on the side of the house.
In August, repair crews erected scaffolding along the outside wall with the scorch marks. Damage to the house was more extensive than initially thought because of the water used to put out the fire. When a moving van drove up one day much of the residing family’s belongings got loaded into it. In late August a large construction dumpster sat in front of the house and pieces of wood, drywall, and fiberglass insulation protruded over its rim.
In appreciation for firefighters and to commemorate ridiculous Fourth of July incidents, I hereby submit a list of songs:
Sly & The Family Stone, “Hot Fun in the Summertime” (1969)
The Trammps, “Disco Inferno” (1976)
Glenn Frey, “The Heat Is On” (1984)
Martha Reeves & The Vandellas, “Heat Wave” (1963)The Jimi Hendrix Experience, “Fire” (1967)